NOT a zombie.
|Age||Refuses to divulge|
|Trainer||J or Aaron|
aka Glowbutt, Illy, or simply CRAZY BITCH. She can usually be found somewhere in Sinnoh.
Illumise was born in the Petalburg Woods of Hoenn, and grew up in a clan of other Illumises and Volbeats. However, this life wasn't for her. When the opportunity arose, she married a Volbeat (totally cliché) from Sinnoh and relocated from her forest home to Hearthome City. There, she fulfilled her dream of becoming a Contest Pokemon, with the local gym leader Fantina being her Coordinator. Illumise was a hit, winning many Ribbons from all over the region. This lifestyle was satisfying for a while, but it didn't keep her amused for long.
Then she joined Twitter.
She joined in hopes of finding other Pokemon to entertain herself with. She succeeded in making many friends, over time becoming something of a regular on Poketwitter, and is still active. Here Illumise met good friends such as Pichu, Misdreavus, Sir_Drapion, Banette, Gengar, Raischu, Haunter, Ampharos, Croconaw, Charizard, and Bellsprout.
Alas, the life (or lack of one) of a Ghost Pokemon appealed to Illumise at the time, especially as she grew closer to Haunter. So through an elaborate process that is unnecessary to describe in full detail, she became Drifloon. This was a miserable mistake. Sure, it was cutesy and carefree for a short while. She began a normal relationship with Haunter and Fantina finally became her Trainer. However, Drifloon had the terrible and constant urge to steal and strangle human children. The urge was so recurrent that Drifloon was sentenced to several days of rehab at the Hearthome City Gym. It didn't help, and soon it became such a nuisance that Drifloon regretted her decision to become a Ghost Pokemon. Through another process that wasn't really as elaborate and that Illumise doesn't even know the details of, she returned to her original body.
Illumise can be a bit conceited due to her success in Contests. Nevertheless, she is capable of great affection and care, albeit for very little. In desperate situations, Illumise is prone to frenzy and loss of wit, partly as a result of recent tribulations she has had to face. Such trying times have also magnified the spitefulness retained from her stint as a Drifloon (never, ever call her a zombie). She often forgets that she's deathly allergic to almost every food except Poffins (not those made from Nanab Berries, though), and is painfully naive most of the time.
Despite her few less charming qualities, Illumise can be a perfect lady in terms of mannerism. Under normal conditions she is refined and dignified; always speaking in proper tones and possessing a natural aversion to all that is repulsive or crude. Illumise tends to interject her knowledge of the French language picked up from Fantina into her everyday speech.
Okay, Illumise's personality has somewhat changed ever since she was admitted to an insane asylum (Drapion's fault). There, she was diagnosed with batshit crazy and has acted accordingly ever since. Now she is incredibly airheaded and forgetful (Drapion's fault). As a result, she has forgotten most of the French language and proper etiquette (such as knowing not to cheat on your husband multiple times). However, occasionally she'll show glimpses of her former self, sometimes saying simple French words and actually appearing to be capable of coherent thought. The latter is especially rare.
- Bug Buzz
- Charge Beam
- Shadow Ball (retained from Drifloon)
- Being pampered
- Harlequin romance novels
- Most children
- Cat-human furry sue shit
- Other Bug-type Pokemon
Perhaps what is most interesting (and not all at once reassuring) about Illumise is her turbulent love life.
Not much is known about her now defunct marriage to Volbeat, other than Illumise was no longer married to him by the time she joined Twitter. Illumise always refused to further comment on this subject until recently, when she got drunk with Misdreavus and accidentally let slip the fact that she pummeled Volbeat to a pulp upon finding out he was cheating on her. After that, he crawled his bloody and broken body into a ditch and SEEMINGLY died. Not the most pleasant of memories to look back on, to be sure. He was encountered again after he kidnapped Illumise with the intention to marry her again (idiot). Somehow, he was defeated and has not been heard from since. Illumise nearly got eaten by a Carnivine hired by her family for killing Volbeat, or something like that.
More or less the reason why she foolishly chose to become a Drifloon, Illumise started going out with Haunter at the height of her cutesy days, when she believed that throwing away her life and being free-spirited (literally) was oh so kawaii. It wasn't. Haunter broke up with Drifloon when rehab didn't work for her and she could no longer control her urge to steal children. Although Illumise deeply regrets ever becoming a Ghost-type for him, she enjoyed her time with Haunter and the two remain on friendly terms.
Illumise went on two dates with Croconaw that were both made entirely of fail. Both times, Illumise was sent to the Pokemon Center due to being allergic to the food Croconaw made her. Even though Illumise was sympathetic and willing to go on a third date, Croconaw went drinking and heavily flirted with a moron behind her back. Illumise confronted him about it, and a huge quarrel ensued. In the end, Croconaw chose the Mary Sue, which left Illumise bitter and hateful for a while. They eventually reconciled and dated for a while again. Illumise made paper Croconaws that everyone hated. Then they broke up again because of Drapion; I don't really remember how that went down but it had something to do with bacon. Since then, Croconaw and Illumise have had an unfathomable number of flings. Illumise often cheats on Drapion with him, which usually ends with Croconaw nearly being killed, but that always happens. Good times.
Illumise's ongoing love interest. After playing cat and mouse for Arceus knows how long, they got married while under J's care. Illumise is a moron, but as much as she infuriates her husband, Drapion usually takes her back for reasons unknown (idiot). They had a son, a Skorupi named Junior Jr., but Illumise made the mistake of leaving the child in Misdreavus's care (Dre had accidentally killed Drapion's adopted son Junior). Somewhere in between the juicy scandal going on (detailed here) Gloom got a hold of Jr. Jr., sodomized him, and infected him with syphilis which killed him. Drapion got angry and left Illumise, but he couldn't resist her charms and soon came crawling right back to her ;o
HAPPY ENDING (?)